Last year I attended the National Missionary Convention. We, like a lot of other mission’s organizations, set up a booth to peddle our mission to would be supporters. We field a lot of questions and share, with anyone interested, what God is doing through our organization. I’ll have to admit, one question in particular threw me off. On my way back from the bathroom, an old acquaintance from church stopped me and we exchanged small talk. Not long into sharing my thoughts on our Homes For Hope program, and teens in need of a way out, I was asked pretty crassly, “what makes you qualified to take kids in, how have you been educated to do such a thing?” The question stopped me in my tracks and the awkwardness of the moment got very heavy.
For the second year in a row now, my kids’ junior high small group has done a pretty cool thing on Valentine’s Day. The sponsors lead the kids in holding an appreciation dinner for all of their parents. It’s an awesome thing. They decorate the place and prepare the food to serve. Last year Austin had the chance to serve Darcy and I. This year Marissa (our Apache step-daughter) is a part of the small group. I was getting back late from the rez and ran over to the church just in time to eat. Marissa served us our food and took care of us for the whole hour. This year Carly, the small group leader, tried something new. She made every one of the kids get up on stage to tell their parents how they felt about them. Ok, I’ll be honest, this is usually one of those times when you hope your kid doesn’t get up there and embarrass you and themselves. While other students were stepping up I couldn’t help but to listen to answers through Marissa’s ears. We sat and listened to kids step up and proudly make sincere statements to their parents. “You are always there for me.”, “I love you”, “You take me to my games.”, “You are cool.”, “You understand me and dad doesn’t.”, and so on and so forth. As I listened I only imagined how hard this might be for Marissa. All of these statements seemed to define what her real parents weren’t. My mind wandered a little as I thought of the past failures and let downs through most of her life. I remembered the little girl that didn’t want help, the little girl that ran from home, the little girl born into a family of addicts, the little girl that struggled with cutting herself, the little girl that gave herself away to cheap relationships, the little girl that numbed her mind with drugs.....and meth…and alcohol, the little girl that was born into a world that ripped the innocence from her tiny grip. She headed to the stage with a surprising confidence. And when she stepped up she said some things I’ll never forget.
So why is it that Jesus chooses us? Us, the pitifully inadequate. My heart resonates with the echoes heard from ancient times, God’s chosen. Those laden with lust, greed, pride, envy. Murderers, adulterers, thieves and liars. David, the adulterer after God’s own heart. Jonah, the reluctant missionary who just wanted to sit back and watch God toast some heathens. The guys that followed Jesus down the road and quietly argued about who was the greatest. And so on. I wonder, but deep down I know. He wants all of the glory. When he works through our humble weakness…He gets the credit. It’s the great fight against human nature. That pull to count ourselves more than we are. And I’m sorry to admit that many times it’s only when we bravely stumble into something bigger than us that we recognize our limitations. I’ve seen mine. But then there are those special moments when, without provocation, we follow Jesus like a child. And in those times we collectively stand awestruck at what seems to be such a mystery. When in reality we know that mystery unfolds like a beautiful puzzle in the Word of God. He has explained and instructed us so well that if we see, and live, this life His way we will find heaven on earth, and thereafter. But, lest we take Him at his Word, we sometimes fight the battle with our own strength and mind, and are usually overtaken by the pull of the world. My brother told me a story of his mentor who died recently. The son of this high school coach spoke of how special of a leader his father was. He reminded everyone of how special coach made everyone in the program feel. And it was true, no matter of seemingly insignificant of a role you had, he let you know you were a special cog in the machine. But as his son said so eloquently, ”even though you felt like an important cog in the machine…there was never a doubt whose machine it was.” And so I recognize this truth in my life too. Not only does God make us feel special, He calls us and empowers us to be special. Even when we are pitifully inadequate He works through us and there is never a doubt whose work it is.
She stepped onto the stage and, as tears welled up in her eyes, I could only imagine what all was going through her head as she choked out a few words. But words weren’t even necessary. She could have said nothing. I was caught in the moment. Maybe God provided this moment for me. I needed to know that the sacrifices that we make for God impacts souls, regardless of how qualified we may or may not be.
So here’s to those of you who allow God to work in and through your weaknesses to bless others. And through it all, we know that He get’s all of the Glory because we have not obtained anything with our own wisdom or strength…
Ron Everingham
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Through the eyes of a child
Everyday I’m reminded of what a privilege it is to serve the God of all creation. In my heart, I know my deepest desire is to be close to God. Actually, I share that desire with you. It’s always there even when we try to pile it underneath the everyday tasks that bog us down and seek to kill our spirit. The Spirit that is within us that desires to dance with us every moment of our lives. The Spirit that frees us and makes us want to dance through life. If I’m honest with myself I realize that my friend, the world, is only making me an enemy of God. And, God within me envies intensely (James 4:4-5). So I, like you, are dealt with this great battle. So, how are we doing? I feel so comfortable in my ignorance, it’s quite bliss. But my God will not let me be. He is constantly disturbing my mind. He won’t go away. He is a persistent lover. And, when I’ve been brave enough to heed His call, His persistence has paid off in my life…I have been blessed. I love the story in Numbers 9:15-23. The Israelites danced with God. They moved and camped upon His guidance. Check it out.
Some of you know the story…in 1993 Darcy and I heard Him calling. It was a weekly invitation for us. That call to believe and follow became consuming until we decided to go forward. (On a totally unrelated note…you’ve got to know that, because I think plugging my nose makes me look like a sissy, I’ve got this little “trick” that I do when I go under water for short periods of time. I blow out air of my nose slowly so that water can’t come in. It’s my thing. I’ve never had a problem doing it, frankly nobody ever knew about it…until the day I was baptized. So, while I was underwater comptemplating the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life, my body automatically began the process of keeping the water out of my nose. And I came up out of the water to cheering and laughter. I guess in the quietness and through the amplification of the microphone, the air coming out of my nose perfectly replicated the sound of a toilet flushing.) Anyhow…from that point on God has taken my hand and we’ve gone to new places. So we served in the church faithfully. Doing all of the “churchy” things that we are all familiar with. And we grew spiritually. In 1996 I went on a mission trip with our youth group to Arizona. Amazing. God spoke to me through the eyes of a 7-year old Navajo child. Through that glance He spoke…service, surrender, commitment, selflessness, sacrifice, love, grace, and what it meant for me to really live. And, even to this day God is clearing my ignorance and making me realize new things. It consumes me. And usually sometime after I’ve finished building a nice little kingdom for myself God comes in and tears it down and rearranges things. It’s a continued cycle of the beautiful refining of my life. And in this cycle God allows me to say “enough is enough” and take a break, but why should I desire to?
How could I when there are souls suffering? The vision is clear: give all you have to build His kingdom, not ours. And I have to ask myself what exactly does his kingdom look like? And the question even worse for my flesh, what am I doing to conform my kingdom to His. Let’s cut to the chase for those of is who know Him well…we are pulled away from living His kingdom on earth by the gravity of those believers around us that enable our complacency so that we all look the same. We should all have people in our lives that challenge us spiritually. Thankfully, God has put a few in my life. And, actually, we all share a mutual friend that challenges us…Jesus. If all of us are honestly desiring be more like Him (and not the most faithful among us), how are we looking? I know what I look like, pitiful but improving and with tons of potential. But this improvement in conditional. It’s conditional upon my surrender and faithfulness. I have to continue to ignore the pull of this world and, more importantly, not ignore Jesus' teachings on who is blessed.
So, the difficult truth that God haunts me with now is this realization. God isn’t looking at how much I give…He’s looking at how much I keep for myself. In our ministry, we live life among people that are looking for a way out. Some have no parents, some don’t know how to read, some are addicted, some live in shacks with no plumbing, and some of these are seeking for Truth. And that is just here where I’m at. On a global level we know there are people dying from starvation, lack of clean water, disease, and natural disasters. And if I look at myself as God does, how can I justify the little hoard of things for myself that I could share? I have to ask myself, what do I really need? Do I have an extra bedroom? Could the money I use for pleasure be spent on an individual in true need? And most importantly, will I be brave enough to keep what I need now, trust God, and give the rest away to those in need for the sake of His kingdom? I can’t wait to see what happens when I do…or better yet…when we all do.
Might we all be brave enough to dance with our Creator and follow Him,
Ron Everingham
Some of you know the story…in 1993 Darcy and I heard Him calling. It was a weekly invitation for us. That call to believe and follow became consuming until we decided to go forward. (On a totally unrelated note…you’ve got to know that, because I think plugging my nose makes me look like a sissy, I’ve got this little “trick” that I do when I go under water for short periods of time. I blow out air of my nose slowly so that water can’t come in. It’s my thing. I’ve never had a problem doing it, frankly nobody ever knew about it…until the day I was baptized. So, while I was underwater comptemplating the biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life, my body automatically began the process of keeping the water out of my nose. And I came up out of the water to cheering and laughter. I guess in the quietness and through the amplification of the microphone, the air coming out of my nose perfectly replicated the sound of a toilet flushing.) Anyhow…from that point on God has taken my hand and we’ve gone to new places. So we served in the church faithfully. Doing all of the “churchy” things that we are all familiar with. And we grew spiritually. In 1996 I went on a mission trip with our youth group to Arizona. Amazing. God spoke to me through the eyes of a 7-year old Navajo child. Through that glance He spoke…service, surrender, commitment, selflessness, sacrifice, love, grace, and what it meant for me to really live. And, even to this day God is clearing my ignorance and making me realize new things. It consumes me. And usually sometime after I’ve finished building a nice little kingdom for myself God comes in and tears it down and rearranges things. It’s a continued cycle of the beautiful refining of my life. And in this cycle God allows me to say “enough is enough” and take a break, but why should I desire to?
How could I when there are souls suffering? The vision is clear: give all you have to build His kingdom, not ours. And I have to ask myself what exactly does his kingdom look like? And the question even worse for my flesh, what am I doing to conform my kingdom to His. Let’s cut to the chase for those of is who know Him well…we are pulled away from living His kingdom on earth by the gravity of those believers around us that enable our complacency so that we all look the same. We should all have people in our lives that challenge us spiritually. Thankfully, God has put a few in my life. And, actually, we all share a mutual friend that challenges us…Jesus. If all of us are honestly desiring be more like Him (and not the most faithful among us), how are we looking? I know what I look like, pitiful but improving and with tons of potential. But this improvement in conditional. It’s conditional upon my surrender and faithfulness. I have to continue to ignore the pull of this world and, more importantly, not ignore Jesus' teachings on who is blessed.
So, the difficult truth that God haunts me with now is this realization. God isn’t looking at how much I give…He’s looking at how much I keep for myself. In our ministry, we live life among people that are looking for a way out. Some have no parents, some don’t know how to read, some are addicted, some live in shacks with no plumbing, and some of these are seeking for Truth. And that is just here where I’m at. On a global level we know there are people dying from starvation, lack of clean water, disease, and natural disasters. And if I look at myself as God does, how can I justify the little hoard of things for myself that I could share? I have to ask myself, what do I really need? Do I have an extra bedroom? Could the money I use for pleasure be spent on an individual in true need? And most importantly, will I be brave enough to keep what I need now, trust God, and give the rest away to those in need for the sake of His kingdom? I can’t wait to see what happens when I do…or better yet…when we all do.
Might we all be brave enough to dance with our Creator and follow Him,
Ron Everingham
Saturday, February 24, 2007
If we don't love, we gain nothing
We are getting geared up for an awesome year with partners from all over the states. Starting spring break we will be hosting around 9 teams this year. We are also excited to be interviewing potential staff and interns! What a blessing. Jake hosted a Superbowl party yesterday and around 40 of our youth were here. Darcy and I traveled to Flagstaff to talk to the NAU student fellowship group about their spring break trip here. We are going to accomplish much for God this year!! We are feeling a bit overwhelmed, thank you for your continued prayers for perseverance and effectiveness.
Now here is the “not so typical” update…
I sat across from a young man (18 years old) tonight in the kitchen of the Kennel. He a boy I’ve known since we opened to the public (2003). I haven’t seen him in awhile and here he is in front of me, crying, broken. It was a tough conversation. He was intoxicated and being very open and honest. Of course, I don’t condone drinking and we always wisk the kids off and out of the place when they come in, but, his honesty caught me again. He’s hopeless and looking for answers. He is surrounded by a clouded present formed by his own day-to-day decisions to waste away. It kills me when a young soul looks me in the eyes and asks, “how can you help me…will you help me…save me.” Honestly, he’s not looking for answers. He’s looking for a miracle. His life is like so many that we deal with. It’s great that I’m there to tell him that I’ll pray for him. I can even reassure him that he can count on me, because I’ve been here for so many years. But I’m not sure that these are the answers he’s looking for. As I’m stumbling for words, I’m realizing my own gaps of faith. I’m feeling hopeless for him because I don’t have a single answer that will meet his immediate need.
I pour him a glass of water as he tells me that he loves me. What he is really saying is that he needs someone to love him. I’m seeing an overgrown boy in front of me that needed to be cared for. He needed nurtured. He’s right, I could never understand the reality of his neglected life. It’s in these times I remember that God is strong when I am weak. I’m counting on it. I know that he is looking for quick answers and there aren’t any. The answers lie in him making a series of decisions, starting with the most important one, laying everything aside and following Jesus. Sounds simple, but so many forsake the thought for self-indulgence.
I’ll have to honest with you all. We’ve all got a long way to go. I feel a bit like the rich young ruler. I’m keeping a lot of God’s commandments but I won’t really be living until I give all that I have to the poor. Period. We are all missing something if we aren’t living to give up everything and love with the right motives. Sometimes I miss the point. I feel pride by how much I give. I miss the point because I put value in the things I give and not the person I’m giving it to. If we don’t love, we gain nothing. Sure, someone who is in need gains physically, but we gain nothing. If this sounds familiar it’s because it’s in 1 Corinthians 13:3. If I give everything to the poor and don’t love, I gain nothing.
From a ministry stand point it could be stated this way. We can give. We can run programs. We can serve those lacking fundamental needs here on the reservation. But if we do not love, we gain nothing. It’s my prayer that God will empower us to love the sometimes unlovable even more this year. And as we do, we will stand back and watch God work miracles in our midst.
Your fellow servant,
Ron Everingham, General Director
Now here is the “not so typical” update…
I sat across from a young man (18 years old) tonight in the kitchen of the Kennel. He a boy I’ve known since we opened to the public (2003). I haven’t seen him in awhile and here he is in front of me, crying, broken. It was a tough conversation. He was intoxicated and being very open and honest. Of course, I don’t condone drinking and we always wisk the kids off and out of the place when they come in, but, his honesty caught me again. He’s hopeless and looking for answers. He is surrounded by a clouded present formed by his own day-to-day decisions to waste away. It kills me when a young soul looks me in the eyes and asks, “how can you help me…will you help me…save me.” Honestly, he’s not looking for answers. He’s looking for a miracle. His life is like so many that we deal with. It’s great that I’m there to tell him that I’ll pray for him. I can even reassure him that he can count on me, because I’ve been here for so many years. But I’m not sure that these are the answers he’s looking for. As I’m stumbling for words, I’m realizing my own gaps of faith. I’m feeling hopeless for him because I don’t have a single answer that will meet his immediate need.
I pour him a glass of water as he tells me that he loves me. What he is really saying is that he needs someone to love him. I’m seeing an overgrown boy in front of me that needed to be cared for. He needed nurtured. He’s right, I could never understand the reality of his neglected life. It’s in these times I remember that God is strong when I am weak. I’m counting on it. I know that he is looking for quick answers and there aren’t any. The answers lie in him making a series of decisions, starting with the most important one, laying everything aside and following Jesus. Sounds simple, but so many forsake the thought for self-indulgence.
I’ll have to honest with you all. We’ve all got a long way to go. I feel a bit like the rich young ruler. I’m keeping a lot of God’s commandments but I won’t really be living until I give all that I have to the poor. Period. We are all missing something if we aren’t living to give up everything and love with the right motives. Sometimes I miss the point. I feel pride by how much I give. I miss the point because I put value in the things I give and not the person I’m giving it to. If we don’t love, we gain nothing. Sure, someone who is in need gains physically, but we gain nothing. If this sounds familiar it’s because it’s in 1 Corinthians 13:3. If I give everything to the poor and don’t love, I gain nothing.
From a ministry stand point it could be stated this way. We can give. We can run programs. We can serve those lacking fundamental needs here on the reservation. But if we do not love, we gain nothing. It’s my prayer that God will empower us to love the sometimes unlovable even more this year. And as we do, we will stand back and watch God work miracles in our midst.
Your fellow servant,
Ron Everingham, General Director
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Psalm 139
It’s not very often that you can pinpoint an exact time that you forever change someone’s life… and I don’t know if it will ever happen to me again.
Over the years we’ve come into contact with hundreds of teens. Some of them have come in and out of our life quickly, stayed for awhile to check out what’s going on, gone on trips with us, made major life decisions, and some haven’t. In 2002 I met a teen, she was a school friend of one of the other students we knew well and started frequenting the Kennel soon after we opened.
She was 16 years old at the time, a typical teenager mostly concerned with her grades and insecure about her looks. There was no father figure in her home, just grandma and a bio father (drunk most of the time). My heart just breaks for these precious teen girls who are ultimately looking for love and acceptance and all too often find it through cheap, superficial encounters with guys who have ulterior motives. I had lost contact with her for a few months.
One sunny day near lunchtime she pulled up to my house and asked me if she could use my phone. So I handed her my cell phone and she walked away for a bit. On this day, I was just on my way out the door, hustling to the next item on my agenda. About 10 minutes later she came back with my phone. As I looked at her, she was clearly very upset, just short of crying. As she walked away I battled in my mind…do I ask if she is ok or do I just let her be and go about my busy schedule? Just as she reached for her car door I had to ask. I asked her who she called and if everything was ok. That’s all it took to open the floodgate holding back her tears.
At first she said she didn’t want to talk about it. As I waited through long awkward silences filled with sobs, I asked again. And again, she’d say she didn’t want to talk about it. I think she already knew what I would say and she couldn’t handle the thought of the reality of my solution. Finally, she told me she had called a doctor in Phoenix to set-up an appointment. I had to probe a little further, “an appointment for what, why, what’s going on?” She mustered up the strength to confess that she was pregnant and that the federal hospital in Whiteriver was going to give her a ride to Phoenix to have her pregnancy terminated.
I just wanted to fast forward her life and show her the joy that her baby would bring her. Sure, kids are a big responsibility and they require self-sacrifice, but, if she only knew…if she only knew. After explaining to her the gravity of her decision and the value of the life inside of her, she promised me that she would come and talk with my wife, Darcy, later. I arranged with Darcy to have videotapes at the house that would educate her better on her decision. We reassured her that we would do anything for her to make the right choice. Abortion isn’t too different from another common tragedy on the reservation, suicide. Both contain a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A lot of times these kids aren’t strong enough, physically or spiritually, to see past the problems in their life and see the hope for tomorrow. Both end precious lives.
It’s in times like this that, if we set ourselves aside, I’m certain God speaks. Thankfully, He uses us, mere mortals, to express the grace and love…and make the plea for those He made with love, design, and purpose. It’s funny that as we move to and fro through life, God places us strategically to speak truth, love, and encouragement to others, but it doesn’t always happen without having built a platform. The relationships that we build through life can be so meaningful. If I hadn’t invested time, spending many hours talking with her, she may have never come over to use my phone that day.
Last month I was playing pool with some kids over at the Kennel. I hadn’t seen her in awhile again. Another friend of hers came over to me and handed me this:
And on back -
Over the years we’ve come into contact with hundreds of teens. Some of them have come in and out of our life quickly, stayed for awhile to check out what’s going on, gone on trips with us, made major life decisions, and some haven’t. In 2002 I met a teen, she was a school friend of one of the other students we knew well and started frequenting the Kennel soon after we opened.
She was 16 years old at the time, a typical teenager mostly concerned with her grades and insecure about her looks. There was no father figure in her home, just grandma and a bio father (drunk most of the time). My heart just breaks for these precious teen girls who are ultimately looking for love and acceptance and all too often find it through cheap, superficial encounters with guys who have ulterior motives. I had lost contact with her for a few months.
One sunny day near lunchtime she pulled up to my house and asked me if she could use my phone. So I handed her my cell phone and she walked away for a bit. On this day, I was just on my way out the door, hustling to the next item on my agenda. About 10 minutes later she came back with my phone. As I looked at her, she was clearly very upset, just short of crying. As she walked away I battled in my mind…do I ask if she is ok or do I just let her be and go about my busy schedule? Just as she reached for her car door I had to ask. I asked her who she called and if everything was ok. That’s all it took to open the floodgate holding back her tears.
At first she said she didn’t want to talk about it. As I waited through long awkward silences filled with sobs, I asked again. And again, she’d say she didn’t want to talk about it. I think she already knew what I would say and she couldn’t handle the thought of the reality of my solution. Finally, she told me she had called a doctor in Phoenix to set-up an appointment. I had to probe a little further, “an appointment for what, why, what’s going on?” She mustered up the strength to confess that she was pregnant and that the federal hospital in Whiteriver was going to give her a ride to Phoenix to have her pregnancy terminated.
I just wanted to fast forward her life and show her the joy that her baby would bring her. Sure, kids are a big responsibility and they require self-sacrifice, but, if she only knew…if she only knew. After explaining to her the gravity of her decision and the value of the life inside of her, she promised me that she would come and talk with my wife, Darcy, later. I arranged with Darcy to have videotapes at the house that would educate her better on her decision. We reassured her that we would do anything for her to make the right choice. Abortion isn’t too different from another common tragedy on the reservation, suicide. Both contain a permanent solution to a temporary problem. A lot of times these kids aren’t strong enough, physically or spiritually, to see past the problems in their life and see the hope for tomorrow. Both end precious lives.
It’s in times like this that, if we set ourselves aside, I’m certain God speaks. Thankfully, He uses us, mere mortals, to express the grace and love…and make the plea for those He made with love, design, and purpose. It’s funny that as we move to and fro through life, God places us strategically to speak truth, love, and encouragement to others, but it doesn’t always happen without having built a platform. The relationships that we build through life can be so meaningful. If I hadn’t invested time, spending many hours talking with her, she may have never come over to use my phone that day.
Last month I was playing pool with some kids over at the Kennel. I hadn’t seen her in awhile again. Another friend of hers came over to me and handed me this:
And on back -
In the middle of that day, amongst constant thoughts of wondering how effective we are I realized…God used me. I’m thankful that He placed me in that moment, that day, to intervene. And there I stood, with a pool stick in one hand and this picture in the other. Those words hit me like a freight train. “Thank you…Jevon has been a blessing”, and I thought to myself: It’s not me who deserves any thanks…. How true it is that Jevon is a blessing from God. In the end, she decided to face the potential ridicule her grandmother, friends, and family may give her and keep her baby. She made the right choice. She chose life.
Monday, December 12, 2005
The Sun Always Shines
There are a lot of things we deal with day to day that can seem overwhelming. In the midst of the storm we are constantly looking for God and waiting for the sun to come out. When the battle is fierce, things don’t go our way, we can’t seem to do anything right and the battle in our head is our worst enemy, we have to fight. We have to fight with passion, trusting that God will come through to save the day.
Luke recounts an amazing story of Jesus in chapter 8. Jesus directs the disciples to go to the other side of the lake and on the way across Jesus steps out for a little nap and wham, the storm hits. The boys freak out and wake up Jesus proclaiming the fact that they we’re going to drown (as if it were a forgone conclusion). So Jesus gets up. Probably with some serious bed-head and simply tells the wind to chill out. Of course they were amazed, and asked each other, “who is this dude?” What happens next is what is interesting to me.
As soon as they step off the boat on the other side a freaky, smelly, ugly, homeless, naked, demon-possessed dude is right there to greet them as Jesus was stepping off the boat. What a great welcome! He sees Jesus and Jesus finds out what is going on, the demons inside the man asked to be cast into some pigs and the man the demons possessed was set free. In the next scene we see a healed man, sitting quietly, clothed and sane at Jesus’ feet.
What an awesome picture of how life is. All around us there are people, wrapped-up in sin, distracted, spiritually empty, controlled by the enemy, wandering, looking, hoping, homeless and naked looking for Jesus. We usually take off, in ministry, with great intentions and sometimes with Jesus in our boat. When a soul hangs in the balance the storms come, meticulously planned by the enemy. Those storms come to detour our desire, but, if we turn to Jesus to do what only He can do, miracles happen and we follow Him to meet those who need His healing power. And we will see the beautiful picture of others sitting at His feet, following Him, worshipping Him…clothed in majesty only because of His redemptive power and grace.
We’ve fought through some storms, and no, the battles not over, there will be more. But we will continue to persevere through the storms, asking Jesus to lead us on, so that more may know the peace of sitting at His feet. Although night will fall, dark clouds will rise-up and settle again, storms will come…but with Jesus…the sun always shines.
Please rejoice with us because 2 souls have fought through a lot of storms and found Jesus. Stefan baptized Irvin Johnson and Dennis Paxson on Sunday Dec. 11th. Please pray for these boys as they deal with obstacles from morning ‘till night.
Saturday, February 28, 2004
Confessions of a Grieving Servant
I’m finding myself at a loss for words…
There are a few things in my day that are for sure: I will for sure wake up to my kids hustling around to get ready on time. I will hear, “brush your teeth, we’ve got five minutes before we have to leave!” And the countdown will continue until they are all off (usually 10 minutes late). I will jump in the shower to get myself ready and usually 10 minutes later I’m out the door. I will unlock the gate and step onto the battle field (the Kennel). I will grind up some coffee and go to my office, get things ready and wait for it to brew. Eventually I will sit down with my hot cup of coffee and get into God’s word, prayerfully before the first call hits or I get sidetracked with some other detail of ministry. I will look out the window of my 6’ x 6’ office and see the traffic flying by wondering: where do all of the cars come from in this small reservation town, and where are they going? Some days I serve lunch, get things ready for the after-school crowd, or do the radio program. Everyday, without a doubt, God provides me the opportunity to do things that are deep and meaningful and things that, frankly, mean nothing in the grand-scheme of things. I will see a lot of kids each day, no doubt (will I have a chance to share the hope I have within?). The chances are good, too, that I will get to see a girl named Hope. She will find me, wherever I’m at in the Kennel, and give me a hug and tell me how she is doing that day.
Who is Hope? A beautiful, smiley, 15-year old girl that symbolizes to me all of what an Apache girl is…and isn’t. I can guarantee you, through knowing her for 4 years, if she is home when I honk the van or bus horn for bible study or to come help with VBS, she will come running and be sitting right next to me. From time to time she will confide in me her real feelings. There is no doubt in my mind that some of you reading this will know who I’m talking about. Beautiful and smiley on the outside doesn’t always reflect what’s going on inside. Wait…change the tenses in this paragraph from present-tense to past-tense. Thursday night, around 8:00pm, Hope, the beautiful girl full of potential, went to her closet and hung herself.
So you’ve maybe heard me talk about the suicide rate here. Never mind how alarming it used to sound. Nothing that used to be matters, it’s all changed. It doesn’t matter that there were 534 suicide attempts last year (out of 14,000 tribal members). To me, right now, it doesn’t matter if that decreases 100%. The day’s activities are not relevant. It doesn’t matter that we are 45% under budget, or what kind of music is playing over the system, or if we are out of fries… Only one stat matters: 1 girl, Hope, felt hope-less. Where was I? Was I too busy? What, if anything, could I have done? And where am I now and who are the “Hopes” around me? Hope was a special girl with a personality, smile and a hug that I will never forget. Awaken me oh Lord, make me more sensitive, more effective, more relevant.
I don’t know what could of ran through her beautiful mind as she strapped herself to the bar, I can’t comprehend why. At this point I only know a couple of things: God reigns, He is in control and this one hurts…bad.
- Ron
There are a few things in my day that are for sure: I will for sure wake up to my kids hustling around to get ready on time. I will hear, “brush your teeth, we’ve got five minutes before we have to leave!” And the countdown will continue until they are all off (usually 10 minutes late). I will jump in the shower to get myself ready and usually 10 minutes later I’m out the door. I will unlock the gate and step onto the battle field (the Kennel). I will grind up some coffee and go to my office, get things ready and wait for it to brew. Eventually I will sit down with my hot cup of coffee and get into God’s word, prayerfully before the first call hits or I get sidetracked with some other detail of ministry. I will look out the window of my 6’ x 6’ office and see the traffic flying by wondering: where do all of the cars come from in this small reservation town, and where are they going? Some days I serve lunch, get things ready for the after-school crowd, or do the radio program. Everyday, without a doubt, God provides me the opportunity to do things that are deep and meaningful and things that, frankly, mean nothing in the grand-scheme of things. I will see a lot of kids each day, no doubt (will I have a chance to share the hope I have within?). The chances are good, too, that I will get to see a girl named Hope. She will find me, wherever I’m at in the Kennel, and give me a hug and tell me how she is doing that day.
Who is Hope? A beautiful, smiley, 15-year old girl that symbolizes to me all of what an Apache girl is…and isn’t. I can guarantee you, through knowing her for 4 years, if she is home when I honk the van or bus horn for bible study or to come help with VBS, she will come running and be sitting right next to me. From time to time she will confide in me her real feelings. There is no doubt in my mind that some of you reading this will know who I’m talking about. Beautiful and smiley on the outside doesn’t always reflect what’s going on inside. Wait…change the tenses in this paragraph from present-tense to past-tense. Thursday night, around 8:00pm, Hope, the beautiful girl full of potential, went to her closet and hung herself.
So you’ve maybe heard me talk about the suicide rate here. Never mind how alarming it used to sound. Nothing that used to be matters, it’s all changed. It doesn’t matter that there were 534 suicide attempts last year (out of 14,000 tribal members). To me, right now, it doesn’t matter if that decreases 100%. The day’s activities are not relevant. It doesn’t matter that we are 45% under budget, or what kind of music is playing over the system, or if we are out of fries… Only one stat matters: 1 girl, Hope, felt hope-less. Where was I? Was I too busy? What, if anything, could I have done? And where am I now and who are the “Hopes” around me? Hope was a special girl with a personality, smile and a hug that I will never forget. Awaken me oh Lord, make me more sensitive, more effective, more relevant.
I don’t know what could of ran through her beautiful mind as she strapped herself to the bar, I can’t comprehend why. At this point I only know a couple of things: God reigns, He is in control and this one hurts…bad.
- Ron
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